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  ”So you weren’t a secretary?”

  “No. I had only worked in the mail room at Philip’s company for six months when he spotted me. I’m completely unskilled I’m afraid. I was a waitress before I worked there. I was working toward getting enough cash together to go to school, but then Philip proposed and…it all seemed unnecessary. I felt like a princess, but turns out I was just an idiot.”

  “No. Not an idiot. Young and hopeful and naïve.”

  “Not as young as I used to be, I’m afraid.”

  He wanted to ask her about her money situation. Why she was so obviously destitute. Hadn’t her husband made any provisions for her before he died? But those were very personal questions, and this wasn’t the place for them anyway. Instead he said, “Well, you’re not naïve anymore. You’re smart and sexy and sweet. But you are in need of some clothes, and I think it’s high time we found some. At the right stores.”

  “Okay. Let’s do that.” She sounded relieved.

  “And then, once we’ve filled up a couple shopping bags, I’m taking you to a salon.”

  “Oh Jake. You don’t have to do—”

  “No arguments. I already made the appointment this morning before you got up. You’re going to spend a couple of hours getting pampered and then I’m taking you out for a nice dinner where we can really sit down and discuss your future. And I won’t take no for an answer.”

  “Okay. I’m learning not to argue. That does sound wonderful.”

  “Good. Now we’re getting somewhere.

  “But what will you do while I’m at the salon? You certainly don’t have to babysit me.”

  “Don’t worry. It actually suits me fine. I have some errands I need to run.” And the errand’s name was Evan.

  Chapter Six

  Evan stood at his office window and gazed out over the city. The sun was setting, casting many of the streets into shadow. That was the thing about life around sky-rises, the sun set far before its time. He missed his fishing cottage on the lake. Out there, with nothing around but trees and water and sky, you could watch the sun rise or set for hours if you wanted to. And he often did, sitting on his dock with a cup of coffee, wrapped in a blanket, he’d sit there for hours, sipping and watching and just being. But the best times had been when he’d done that with Jake beside him. Talking and laughing over the goofiest things—such as watching crane flies mate.

  Even now he smiled at that.

  At the lake everything seemed slower, easier, more…manageable somehow. He craved that, especially now—now when his life seemed suddenly unmanageable, as if he didn’t really have control. But he couldn’t complain, he supposed. He’d handed over the control willingly.

  His intercom buzzed, a rude reminder that, although he’d gotten virtually nothing done all afternoon, he was still at the office.

  “Yes, Denise?”

  “You have a call on line one. It’s…Melissa.”

  She said the name with hesitation, no doubt because she knew how much calls from Rachel’s mother affected him. Denise was the only other person in the world who knew who Rachel was, and that she’d moved in with him. But even then, her knowledge was limited to the most basic facts. To her credit, Denise was professional enough not to ask too many questions.

  “Do you want me to tell her you’re busy?” she asked.

  “No, no, it’s okay. I’ll take it. Thanks.”

  He sat down, took a deep breath—and picked up the phone. “Hi, Melissa.”

  “Evan. Hello.”

  There was an uncomfortable silence, and Evan wasn’t in the mood to make small talk. “So what can I do for you? It’s Friday afternoon and I’m almost ready to head home.”

  “Well, that’s why I’m calling. Rachel isn’t answering the phone at your place yet, and I was a bit concerned. I wondered if you knew where she might be.”

  Evan checked his watch. :. Rachel finished at : on Fridays, and would normally be walking in the door at four. “Actually, no. I don’t know that she had any other plans. But it could be anything. She might have decided to do some shopping. Did you try her cell?”

  “Yes. That’s the thing. She’s not answering that either.”

  Evan sighed. “How many times did it ring?”

  “Uh…I’m not sure. Actually I don’t think it did. I just got her answering machine.”

  Evan raked his fingers through his hair impatiently. Melissa’s ineptitude with technology was perpetual and exhausting. It wasn’t that she couldn’t learn but that she refused to. The little bit she had accepted was out of sheer desperation to keep tabs on her daughter. Technology was a manifestation of the devil and was to be feared and loathed. Thank God Rachel had given up that little bit of theology. “If it didn’t ring, that means that either it was out of range or her cell battery died. There’s nothing to worry about, Melissa. Trust me.”

  “Don’t tell me that!” she screeched, suddenly agitated. “There’s everything to worry about.” Then she burst into tears.

  At that moment Evan almost wanted to cry too. “No. There’s not.”

  “You haven’t told her, have you? Please tell me you haven’t told her.”

  “Of course not. I promised you I wouldn’t, and I’ve kept my word.”

  “Good. Because it would devastate her if she knew how she was conceived. She’d never forgive me.”

  “Yes. So you’ve said.” And it’s your own doing, you idiot, he thought to himself. Filling Rachel’s head with all this nonsense about hell and sin and the dangers of the flesh. And all because Melissa was so desperate to do penance for her own sins of twenty-six years ago. Sins that weren’t even her fault in the first place.

  “And her living there, in the city. Walking amongst all that temptation and evil. What if somebody rapes her?”

  “I know it’s hard for you to believe, but women aren’t generally attacked and raped in broad daylight here. Or even on the subway. It’s actually a very civilized city. And very safe.”

  “That’s not the way I remember it.”

  He wasn’t going there. “Well that’s the way it is.”

  “There are other ways to be raped than by a rapist, you know!”

  Evan arched a brow. “I have no idea what that means.”

  “Well, let me tell you—”

  “I’m sorry, Melissa. But I have to go. My assistant is calling me.” And indeed his intercom light was flashing. Without giving her a chance to object, he said goodbye and hung up.

  He allowed himself a couple of rejuvenating breaths before hitting the button. “Yes, Denise?”

  “There’s someone here to see you.” There was an odd note in her voice, a huskiness that he found strangely…arousing.

  “Oh?”

  “Yes.” She cleared her throat. “He’s here to deliver some wine.”

  He blinked in surprise. “Fuck.”

  “Pardon?”

  “I-I’m sorry. Send him in.”

  The door opened and in walked Jake, looking sexy as hell in his tan Dockers and pristine white golf shirt. He carried a large box with the Wine Art, Inc. logo emblazoned across it.

  Denise had opened the door for him, and it was for her benefit that Evan said, “I wasn’t expecting a personal delivery.”

  Jake stood in the middle of the room, his gaze like a laser beam on Evan’s skin. But his tone was amicable. “I was in the neighborhood, so thought I’d save myself some shipping.”

  “I see.” To Denise, who was still standing in the doorway, her hand attached to the knob and her eyes trained on Jake’s ass, Evan said, “That’s fine, Denise. You can head home if you like.”

  “Oh. Oh. All right. Thank you.” And at last, with a smile and a nod for Jake, she left, pulling the door closed behind her.

  Jake was grinning as he plunked the box down by the door and took a moment to lock it. “I guess she saw something she liked.”

  “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “That’s a nice way to greet an ol
d fuck buddy.”

  Already exhausted, Evan dropped into his chair. “You were never that, Jake, and you know it.”

  “Well I thought I did, but lately I’m not so sure.”

  “Trust me. You weren’t. But for as much as I cared for you—and still do—you shouldn’t have come here. You know how I feel about that.”

  Jake placed his hands on the desk and leaned in toward Evan, close enough that Evan got a whiff of his cologne. “Again, I thought I knew how you felt about a lot of things, but after talking to Sadie I don’t know what to think.”

  Evan wilted a little more. “Sadie. So you did talk to her. How is she?”

  “Not that you actually seem to care, but she’s much better now, thanks. Now that I’ve taken her in and started to…I don’t know. To rebuild her. She’s so weak, Evan. So used up and in need of help. She was your friend once! I don’t know how you could have turned your back on that!”

  Evan rose from his seat, stared at him. “Pardon? Taken her in? What does that mean?”

  “Just what it sounds like. I took her home with me, fed her and gave her a decent bed to sleep in. She’s been living in virtual poverty since she got out. She’s thin as a rail. But you saw that at the restaurant. And it meant nothing to you.”

  Evan turned away, his gaze focused on the city below his window. “Actually, I didn’t notice. I saw her and I froze. All I could see was her face.” And he could still see it. Those delicate, elflike features with the big brown eyes. Brown eyes with gold flecks that might have been fairy dust. He’d always been captivated by her eyes—and that had always frightened him.

  “You almost say that like you care.”

  Evan whirled on him. “I do care! God damn it, Jake. Regardless of how it looks and what you apparently think of me, I do care. I always have. I care deeply.”

  “Then why didn’t you do anything when she came to you? And why did you brush her off so casually yesterday? It makes no sense.”

  Evan couldn’t speak, he had no idea what to say. How much to share, or even whether he should.

  “Just like your sudden rejection of me makes no sense.”

  The tone in Jake’s voice cut him. He’d never wanted to hurt Jake—or anyone. “I have my reasons, Jake. They’re important and they’re valid. You have to believe me.”

  “Fuck. I don’t believe this.”

  “I can help financially,” offered Evan out of desperation. “Eventually I could do more, but for right now—that will have to be enough.”

  “I don’t need your money,” he said it softly. “But she does. And I feel like you owe her, and I don’t feel I have the right to refuse—so I’m going to agree. I just don’t know how much yet. I don’t know enough about her situation to say.”

  “Okay.” Evan sat down again. “Well, when you do know—”

  “You need to see her. Or rather she needs to see you. That’s what you really owe her, Evan. That’s what would mean something.”

  Evan felt himself weakening. He did want to see her—desperately. “I don’t know.”

  “Tonight. I’m taking her out for a nice dinner at Elanzo’s. You should come.”

  Elanzo’s. He and Jake had been there before. It was a tiny Italian place, complete with checkered tablecloths, wine-bottle candleholders and a violinist in the corner. It was categorically cliché and therefore not popular with any of Evan’s colleagues or cohorts. It would have been perfect, but…

  “I can’t.”

  “Jesus fucking Christ, Evan! What is wrong with you? You can’t take an hour out of your busy schedule to—”

  “I’m busy, all right?”

  “With what? A date?”

  “I’m seeing a movie.” The rest slipped out before he could stop it. “With my daughter.”

  Jake felt as if he’d been sucker punched. Those words knocked the wind clean out of him. “What? What did you say?”

  Evan’s expression was pained. “Damn it. I didn’t intend to tell you like this.”

  Jake sank down into the soft leather of Evan’s couch. “No. I can see that.” He shook his head to clear it. “Seems to me you didn’t intend to tell me at all.”

  Evan didn’t deny it. He just sat there looking torn and tortured, every blink of those big blue eyes tearing a tiny strip off Jake’s heart.

  “Who’s her mother, Evan? Why have you never mentioned her before?”

  “I didn’t mention her when you and I first met because I didn’t even know she existed. I only found out about her about eight months ago.” He held up a hand. “And I didn’t mention her then because I had no idea what to think myself. There was so much baggage that came along with that information, it took me a long time to process it. And then I had no idea how it would go, or what would happen, once we did meet. It was all so uncertain, Jake.” Evan clasped his hands together on the blotter in front of him. “And then when I did meet her, got to know her, that sealed it. She can never know about you, let alone meet you. So what was the point in even mentioning her?”

  “I don’t get it. Why can’t she know about me?” But then he rethought that question. “Hang on. Why don’t you start at the beginning. Who is her mother, for starters? And why didn’t you know about her until a few months ago?”

  “Her mother is Melissa Martin and I met her way back in my early twenties. You remember that story I told you about the former owner of this company? The man who seduced and abused me and put me off men for years?”

  Jake nodded. “Of course.” How could he forget? The scars on Evan’s back were vivid and constant reminders of the pain he’d endured at the hands of that sadist.

  “I’m afraid I wasn’t his only victim. Melissa got sucked in as well. Only she was even more vulnerable than I was. She’d come from a rural community, run away from home to find her way in the big city. And that was what she got for taking that risk.”

  Before Jake could ask the question that was burning on the tip of his tongue, Evan answered it for him. “We got to know each other because he…played with us together one night. After that we slept together a few times, sought comfort in each other’s arms. But we did so unbeknownst to our master. And when he found out about it he was furious. He beat Melissa pretty badly, and after that she disappeared. I never knew what happened to her. I just always hoped she went back home and found some comfort there. But it turns out she went even further than that. She was so horrified by what had happened that she fled to the other side of the country and joined a religious…commune of sorts. She’s spent the last twenty-six years repenting for her sins and living in isolation in northern British Columbia. And that’s where she raised our daughter. Rachel.”

  “So you had no idea she was even pregnant.”

  “No. None. I guess I was naïve, considering we were idiots and didn’t use protection, but I had no reason to worry about it. She was gone.”

  “And then suddenly you heard from her?”

  “Yes. Rachel had finally worn her down. She wanted to know her father, and rightly so. But Melissa was—and is—terrified that her daughter will find out how she was conceived and what we were involved in.”

  “Rachel wouldn’t understand?”

  “Melissa doesn’t believe she would.” Evan leaned forward, his expression earnest. “Her religion is all she’s ever known, Jake. She’s lived it and breathed it since she was a baby. And in her world homosexuality and anything sexual that deviates from the missionary position in a committed marital relationship is a sin.” He shook his head sadly. “You should’ve seen her when she first met my neighbors.”

  “Mike and Andrew? They’re great guys!”

  “And they hold hands on the elevator. She’s disgusted by it.”

  Jake blinked in disbelief. “I guess I’m the naïve one. I had hoped that kind of attitude had died out with the dinosaurs. At least among the more…civilized set.”

  “I’m afraid not. It’s alive and well—and living in my condo.” He stood, turned to the window an
d said more to himself than Jake, “She’s a good person. She is. Really. She just doesn’t know any better.”

  “Oh Evan. I’m sorry.”

  Obviously restless, he sat down again. “I’m stuck, Jake. Can’t you see? I love my daughter. Or at least I want to. I need to know her, to find out who she is and if we can take a stab at being family. But in order to do that I can’t let her see the real me.” He dropped his face in his hands. “Don’t think the irony of that is lost on me. It isn’t.”

  Jake could feel Evan’s anguish, and suddenly he regretted all his harsh words—and harsh judgments. He crossed to his friend and laid a hand on his shoulder. “You’re making the best of an impossible situation. I understand completely. I just wish…”

  Evan stood, faced him. He was so close. “Go on. You just wish what?”

  “I wish you had told me sooner. I could have been there for you. That’s what friends are for.”

  “I know, Jake.” He cupped the back of Jake’s head, the gesture both intimate and possessive. “I know you are. The problem is, you’re more than a friend. So much more.”

  Jake met his gaze, held captive by what he saw there. “I don’t understand. Why is that a problem?”

  “Because I can’t hide how I feel. I can’t be around you without wanting to do this.” He kissed him then, drew Jake’s lips to his and kissed him. It wasn’t a sensual kiss, or even a tender one. It was hard and deep and left no question as to the level of desire that Evan felt. When he drew away he left Jake breathless and wanting. “I’ve missed you, Jake. I’ve missed you more than I can say. But I thought that by being with you I was sabotaging my relationship with Rachel. I can’t have both, so why bother even trying?”